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2019-11-01T15:20:04-04:00)

Millennials are killing the World Series trophy

We just can’t have anything nice. First it was mayonnaise. Then it was three-martini lunches. Now, the millennials are, it seems, intent on killing the World Series trophy.

Millennial (and noted Washington Nationals reliever) Sean Doolittle posted a photo today of what the trophy would look like as my spirit animal: once handsome, but now smashed, bent up, missing pieces and generally not being very well taken care of.

With those twisted and missing flag-poles, this trophy looks like anything but the commemoration of a hard-fought season of professional sports. Instead it looks like the physical manifestation of Gil Gunderson.

This is, from what I can find, the fourth year in a row the trophy has come out of World Series celebrations looking like it was tossed in a laundromat dryer. Last year it caught a beer can to the face during the victory parade in Boston. In 2017, a table holding it up at a swanky dinner in Houston collapsed, sending it to the floor. And the year before that, a few of the flags were snapped off when Theo Epstein passed it around the crowd at a concert (also in Boston).

The millennials just don’t have the same respect and reverence for championship trophies as previous generations. Perhaps it’s because they were given too many trophies as youths.

Let’s be honest, though: most of the things millennials have killed deserved to be offed because they are bad — like Applebee’s, department stores, and waxy cheese. Maybe the World Series trophy also deserves to meet its maker. As Doolittle appropriately notes, you can’t even drink out of the thing. It’s fragile. It’s cumbersome. Even its real name, “The Commissioner’s Trophy,” gives off extreme boomer energy.

It’s a boring, poorly made trophy. The millennials are right to destroy it. When The Nationals visit the White House on Monday, they should just leave it there with the rest of the trash when they’re done forcing down their McDonald’s Quarter Pounders.

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